Stress: Training & Work

Stress and training... those are two things I've been working really hard to handle simultaneously for the past 6-9 months. Lord knows I've had my share of stress in that time. I have not been exactly successful in my balancing act, but it's been manageable.

Anyway, as race day approaches, only two weeks away, I find myself increasingly stressed out. The reason itself is because of what I consider unnecessary stressors. I informed people around the office of my triathlon training a long time ago, and once I signed up for the half-ironman, the announcement was made. I had kind of hoped for some support on the part of the powers that be at work. I had kind of hoped that maybe, just maybe, there would be some sort of understanding for the type of challenge I was taking on. Instead, I think everyone just thinks I'm a typical health freak or fitness junkie (I'm not... health freaks don't like beer as much as I do)!

Yet, in all the madness, I was recently assigned a project due the Thursday before my race. Ideal would have been one a week or two before the race or a week or two after... really any time other than days before the race. Even the beginning of that week would have been okay, but instead, I find myself in the most stressed out position I could be in regarding work and pre-race preparation. In the days when I should be resting up, taking care of myself, and not stressing out, I'll be loaded with expectations at work to complete a project without error... to not be distracted by anything else. As and ADHD person, I struggle every single project to not be distracted, so when you throw in something as big as an upcoming 6-hour endurance race, it's not going to be easy!

Even last year, as I recall, I had a project due at the same time as I had my first marathon - which was out of town and a mini-vacation time for me. I left town w/ my project being reviewed and returned to wrap it up. I remember having to try really hard to not think about the headache of work while I prepared to run 26.2 miles.

Not that it's entirely the same thing, but when someone chooses to get married/have a child, there are a lot of appointments and commitments that come up during the course of planning/preparing. It requires a bit of flexibility in work schedules, a bit of grace from the boss-types, essentially. Well, here I haven't been given the chance to choose marriage or a child, but I have chosen something that, during preparation, is equally (if not more, in some ways) demanding of my time and attention. However, I cannot expect flexibility with work. At the mere mention of it, I set myself up for being targeted as not caring about my job enough. We are often given projects to be due (quite possibly on purpose) right before we take vacations, which is annoying/stressful, but this race is no vacation... I'm fine w/ being stressed up until a break from work. I'm not so okay with carrying stress on my back at a time when I need to relax and rest!

So, I have been pushing through... I've done my best to work a normal schedule while maintaining a very busy training schedule outside of work hours. It's not been easy, and it has caused me a lot of stress and worry (because that's my nature). I'm not worried about training... I'm worried that those in charge at work will berate me for having chosen something other than my job as priority. Little do they know I have a lot of things that I consider higher priority than my job. My job/career is simply a means to an end and is not my life, and I'm okay with that. It pays the bills, so I do my best while there. 
However, on the scale of life, it's pretty far down the line: God/church/etc, myself/my own well-being/health/etc, family/friends, my house/home/paying bills, work, and then other fun stuff... If I could use any of the higher priority things to pay bills, I would!

Anyway, all that is to say that simply my personal well-being and health have vastly improved since I began training like I do. Anybody who's known me for the past few years can attest to the fact that I have changed since I started running. Well, I found joy in this training lifestyle...I have found an outlet, and as such, I've also become motivated (something I am not so great at). I find that I'm at my best when pushing myself for new goals that I never thought I'd reach. This half-Ironman is one of those goals. So, no, it's not life or death, but to me, it is a lot more than just another race. It is huge! It is the biggest thing I have ever set out to do and actually done (well, haven't made it there yet...but I will)... for now ;)

Where I struggle is that I'm stuck in a reality where well over 99% of the world has no clue where I'm coming from. Yeah, we all have our goals and such, but this specific one may seem meaningless to many. It would've seemed so to me years ago. It's one of those things that unless you are standing in my shoes, you will have no clue my perspective, and since only 0.01% of the world does half-ironman races, chances are good that most people don't get it. Factor into that small percentage those of us who suffer unnecessarily from stress b/c of ADD, those of us who are young and single and supporting ourselves, and even the female factor is something - I think it's safe to say we're more emotional than guys, and emotions play into my worry here.