Race Weekend!

The big day is almost here! In just over 36 hours, I will hear my alarm go off in my Augusta hotel room. It will still be way too dark outside for my liking. I will get up (slowly and anxiously). I will stumble over to my pre-race pile that I lay out the night before. I'll chug my coconut water and energy drink. I'll force down an almond butter sandwich regardless of the fact that I'm barely awake. I will splash cold water on my face in attempt to get going as I dress in my gear. I'll stretch and hydrate, like I've done dozens of times before. I'll double and triple check everything that I will have already checked a thousand times by then. Then, with a deep breath, I'll load up the car and head to the race start.

I'll try not to think too far ahead as I lay everything out in transition. I will do my best to not stare into the river in fear. I will trust my training and know that, by this point, I will have done everything that I can. I have trained and worked hard, and the moment is almost here. After setting up my transition area, I will wait an hour and a half before hitting the Savannah River and beginning my 70.3-mile journey to the highly anticipated finish line. I'll take deep breaths. I'll stretch and relax as much as possible. I will let the anxiety go and confidently race my race.

For now, though, I am anything but cool, calm, and collected. Just looking at photos of the swim start makes me nearly want to vomit. The thought of having to wait around for 90 minutes after setting up transition before even beginning my race makes my heart pound with anxiety. I know that I'm as ready as I'm going to be. I know that I can finish this race. I think I'm mostly nervous b/c I put so much pressure on myself. I know that this is a huge deal for me just to be where I am right now, yet I can't help but set goals for myself. Granted, I think my time goals are realistic, but for my first race of this distance, it's accomplishment enough to just finish! Two years ago, I didn't think it was possible for me to ever run more than a 5k (even that was really rough at the time). The thought of combining swimming, biking, and running for more than a couple of hours seemed absurd... yet here I am, ready and willing to spend around 6 hours doing just that.

Stress: Training & Work

Stress and training... those are two things I've been working really hard to handle simultaneously for the past 6-9 months. Lord knows I've had my share of stress in that time. I have not been exactly successful in my balancing act, but it's been manageable.

Anyway, as race day approaches, only two weeks away, I find myself increasingly stressed out. The reason itself is because of what I consider unnecessary stressors. I informed people around the office of my triathlon training a long time ago, and once I signed up for the half-ironman, the announcement was made. I had kind of hoped for some support on the part of the powers that be at work. I had kind of hoped that maybe, just maybe, there would be some sort of understanding for the type of challenge I was taking on. Instead, I think everyone just thinks I'm a typical health freak or fitness junkie (I'm not... health freaks don't like beer as much as I do)!

Yet, in all the madness, I was recently assigned a project due the Thursday before my race. Ideal would have been one a week or two before the race or a week or two after... really any time other than days before the race. Even the beginning of that week would have been okay, but instead, I find myself in the most stressed out position I could be in regarding work and pre-race preparation. In the days when I should be resting up, taking care of myself, and not stressing out, I'll be loaded with expectations at work to complete a project without error... to not be distracted by anything else. As and ADHD person, I struggle every single project to not be distracted, so when you throw in something as big as an upcoming 6-hour endurance race, it's not going to be easy!

Even last year, as I recall, I had a project due at the same time as I had my first marathon - which was out of town and a mini-vacation time for me. I left town w/ my project being reviewed and returned to wrap it up. I remember having to try really hard to not think about the headache of work while I prepared to run 26.2 miles.

Not that it's entirely the same thing, but when someone chooses to get married/have a child, there are a lot of appointments and commitments that come up during the course of planning/preparing. It requires a bit of flexibility in work schedules, a bit of grace from the boss-types, essentially. Well, here I haven't been given the chance to choose marriage or a child, but I have chosen something that, during preparation, is equally (if not more, in some ways) demanding of my time and attention. However, I cannot expect flexibility with work. At the mere mention of it, I set myself up for being targeted as not caring about my job enough. We are often given projects to be due (quite possibly on purpose) right before we take vacations, which is annoying/stressful, but this race is no vacation... I'm fine w/ being stressed up until a break from work. I'm not so okay with carrying stress on my back at a time when I need to relax and rest!

So, I have been pushing through... I've done my best to work a normal schedule while maintaining a very busy training schedule outside of work hours. It's not been easy, and it has caused me a lot of stress and worry (because that's my nature). I'm not worried about training... I'm worried that those in charge at work will berate me for having chosen something other than my job as priority. Little do they know I have a lot of things that I consider higher priority than my job. My job/career is simply a means to an end and is not my life, and I'm okay with that. It pays the bills, so I do my best while there. 
However, on the scale of life, it's pretty far down the line: God/church/etc, myself/my own well-being/health/etc, family/friends, my house/home/paying bills, work, and then other fun stuff... If I could use any of the higher priority things to pay bills, I would!

Anyway, all that is to say that simply my personal well-being and health have vastly improved since I began training like I do. Anybody who's known me for the past few years can attest to the fact that I have changed since I started running. Well, I found joy in this training lifestyle...I have found an outlet, and as such, I've also become motivated (something I am not so great at). I find that I'm at my best when pushing myself for new goals that I never thought I'd reach. This half-Ironman is one of those goals. So, no, it's not life or death, but to me, it is a lot more than just another race. It is huge! It is the biggest thing I have ever set out to do and actually done (well, haven't made it there yet...but I will)... for now ;)

Where I struggle is that I'm stuck in a reality where well over 99% of the world has no clue where I'm coming from. Yeah, we all have our goals and such, but this specific one may seem meaningless to many. It would've seemed so to me years ago. It's one of those things that unless you are standing in my shoes, you will have no clue my perspective, and since only 0.01% of the world does half-ironman races, chances are good that most people don't get it. Factor into that small percentage those of us who suffer unnecessarily from stress b/c of ADD, those of us who are young and single and supporting ourselves, and even the female factor is something - I think it's safe to say we're more emotional than guys, and emotions play into my worry here.

 

Augusta IRONMAN 70.3

It's the final countdown... (I hope that song is in your head now, you are welcome)  

As my big race day approaches (September 29th!), I thought I'd finally share with the world what's going on and how friends/family can help encourage me along this journey, if you feel so inclined. I know Augusta is a bit of a hike for most, but you can also support me from a distance too! As you can see below from my nerdy statistics below, this race is a bit of an accomplishment, especially for someone who could barely run a mile a few years ago.
 

 

If you are interested in live tracking (online or via mobile), let me know. I will have to give you my bib # and the link to get set up when the time comes. It'll only take a minute to get started, and you'll get updates at each split - swim, bike, and run/finish! If you happen to want to make the trek out to Augusta, let me know as well! I will be there all weekend, so carpooling may not be convenient...but I'd love to have some familiar smiling faces at the finish line!

Just for basic info, I am bib number 2494, and my swim wave begins at 8:56am. (That's nearly an hour and a half after the first wave begins... I'm sure I won't be anxious during this time at all, ha!)

 

 

Here is little bit of background, goals, and nerdy statistics, just for fun!!!

 

IRONMAN is a race brand that is currently made up of two major distances: 
The IRONMAN (the 140.6 distance race) and the IRONMAN 70.3 (also known as long distance or half-Ironman).
The average race time for the IM 70.3 is a little over 6 hours. My ideal goal, other than just to finish, is to complete it in as close to 6 hours and I can...but I know that won't be easy, so I'm just going to do my best to finish! 
NFL player Hines Ward completed his IM 70.3 in just under 5 hours and 55 minutes - and this guy is not only paid to be an athlete, but he also had all the time in the world to train (unlike many of us with full time jobs).

So, that should give an idea of how long and big this race is, but just how big of a deal is it? How many crazy people actually put themselves through months and months of training only to push their body to it's physical/mental limits for hours on end? I did some googling and nerdy research, so here are the statistics. It's done based on world population b/c these are international races, so there's no easy way to distinguish US participation from the rest of the world.   

Number of years 70.3 IM has been running: 7
Number of 70.3 IMs each year: 60
Number of unique participants per IM race: 1,000
This estimate comes to:
  ~420,000 people having completed an IRONMAN 70.3 race
  ~60,000 competing in this distance annually
Considering a world population of ~7,000,000,000...

This comes out to basically: Each year only about 0.00086% of the world's population participates in an IRONMAN 70.3 race.

   About 0.006% of the world has participated in this distance since it's beginning in 2006... FYI, Chuck Norris isn't one of that small percentage!

   Including both IRONMAN and IRONMAN 70.3, about 0.018% of the world has participated in one or the other distance.
   Add into that the fact that less than 30% of participants are female, and only about 20% are ages 30-34.

At this point, the numbers hurt my brain, but as you can see, it's not every day that someone who claimed to hate running 2 years ago takes on an IRONMAN race. So, being one of the few, I could really use some fans on race day, even from a distance!

After countless months of pushing myself to train 6-7 days a week, and recently up to 15 hours/week for the last month, I am ready to see this madness pay off! 
And if you make it to the actual race, there will be some post-race beer drinking in celebration (after I eat a ton of food and drink a gallon of water, of course)!

Someone recently compared training on this level to having a baby. You prepare yourself mentally/physically/etc for 9 months, by the last few weeks your body is beginning to hate you a bit and you are just ready for day to get here. When the time comes, you spend hours pushing yourself to your physical/mental limits to see all the preparation pay off! (I guess the big difference is that I don't have to pay for my race for the next 18 years!)

 

Another way to support me in my IRONMAN journey is to help me raise funds for Operation IRONFREEDOM through the IRONMAN Foundation and the Scott Rigsby Foundation. It's a great cause that supports wounded soldiers returning from war and their families. To learn more about the cause or donate, click the link below!
http://ironman.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1049523&supid=389742632

Thank you so much for all the support!
 

Also, you should read this guy's story! What an inspiration!

Countdown to Augusta 70.3

I had fully intended to keep this blog updated with my training progress, especially as I began to up the ante. However, I guess I didn't consider the reality that more training means less time to blog about it. I'm going to do my best the next two months to get back to it. Why now? I am 59 days away from my first long course triathlon... Augusta 70.3 Ironman. (and yes, I have a countdown app on my phone telling me how close this race is)

It's been nearly a year since my last post, so a quick update is in order. I've been racing non-stop. I hired a coach to get me through this madness without injury or burning myself out. Plus, I only know so much about basic fitness...endurance is a whole new world to me. Now, what have I accomplished since my last post? A lot more than I would ever have expected, that's for sure.

December 2012 - I ran my first marathon in Tucson, Arizona.

I then spent time getting back into multisport training. I did a few half-marathons in the meantime. I managed to PR at the Thanksgiving Atlanta Half-marathon with 2:04:16, and I finished the Publix half this year in just a little over a minute longer than that. I've essentially improved my half-marathon time by 25 mintutes in a year. I also PRed in my 5k time with 23:56, which got me into Group B for the Peachtree Road Race this year! That was pretty exciting, especially considering last year I was somewhere around G. I also got to experience the feeling of placing in my age group for a couple of 5k races...placed 3rd in my PR race and 2nd in a Valdosta 5k.

 Running my half-marathon and 5k PR races... form definitely has improved this year.

  The Publix Half-Marathon was my first repeat race - got to really see how far I've come in a year!

So that's how the running has been doing. Not long after the Publix half, it was time to put that multisport training to good use. I started my season with a couple of sprint duathlons and schedule a few sprint triathlons (including a repeat of the Iron Girl) leading up to the Chattanooga triathlon in July. Unfortunately, the weather this year has kind of sucked compared to last year. My first few races luckily involved no swimming... it was way too cold for that mess! The Iron Girl was cancelled due to inclement weather (it stormed like crazy), and the Chattanooga race got turned into a duathlon. So, as far as triathlons go...no repeats from last year to really see how far I've come. That makes me nervous somehow.

 A few duathlon photos shortly before I walked away with my age group award.

On a more positive note, I got a great start to du/tri season. My overall time for the 2nd duathlon of the season was great, placed in my age group (of only a few people), but was also pretty high up overall. My first triathlon of the season, I won my age group and was I think 2nd or 3rd overall female (behind some Ironman finishers...that felt good).

 While winning at small races may not be all that impressive, its still a good feeling to have a couple of these things lying around now! :)

So, now that Chattanooga is over with, I am in full-on half-ironman training mode! I have had to accept that life is about to get really busy, and I have to be willing to make sacrifices - my social calendar needs to chill for a while. This is going to be a challenge, but I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end. Other sacrifices involve my diet... have to start cutting out the useless calories and junk and replacing them with solid, nutrient packed foods. In the past few months, I've been lenient with my diet, but I want to do it right now. Unfortunately, people do give me a hard time for eating healthy ("you'll get too skinny"). I eat a lot...so it needs to be healthy food. I love making smoothies - kale, spinach, frozen fruits, bananas, coconut water, tomato juice, almond milk, protein, even granola, etc... anything can be smoothie-fied!

Every morning, I've started beginning the day with whole grain toast (or low-fat waffles) with almond butter and some V8 fusion juice. Then, I make a smoothie at home and bring it to work with me, for my mid-morning snack. My lunch the last few weeks has consisted typically of something like tuna (w/ a small amount of light mayo), whole grain crackers, and an avocado and random veggies. My ideal afternoon snack is dried fruit, almonds, and sunflower seeds, and this usually carries me over into the start of my workout, which I'll still fuel up as needed. When there's time to cook, dinner is typically seared chicken, kale or spinach, and sweet potatoes (or regular potatoes). Luckily, as a creature of habit, I'm ok with eating the same thing over and over...until I run out, then I get lazy and substitute with popcorn too often.

Anyway, that's where I am now...hopefully, I'll remember to keep on track with not only logging my workouts and tracking my meals, but also w/ blogging/journaling it out. Right now, I'm fighting major back pain (may have pulled something hopping out of bed today, oops!), which will hopefully not slow me down too much b/c I really am enjoying my lengthy runs lately.

 Hard to believe the next time I suit up and run/bike/swim in a competitive environment, I'll be racing my first 70.3 Ironman in Augusta!!!

The next logical step...

I'll keep this short, just another update. I kind of sucked it up at my last half marathon, but I keep telling myself it's bc I'm training differently. I was also not at 100%, and I knew it. I am feeling myself reaching a plateau, but not a permanent one. I think I may have reached the limit of what I can do on my own. Training alone for endurance races is kind of challenging, but I enjoy it. However, if I want to improve and keep myself going without burning out, I need to take it to the next level.

The next logical step for me is to look into training. I thought about team training with Atlanta Tri Club (or another similar group). I am not a huge fan of group training though, I know that's probably not good. I just have so much anxiety around other people that I just kind of want to do it on my own. I also like to use my training time as my "me time." So, I think I've decided to go with an individual coach. It's not cheap, but it could be really beneficial. It would also help me avoid potential injury from over-training on my own. I seem to be injury prone, so it'd be nice to have someone else keeping me in check. I also could use the individual accountability from someone who knows my training and where I am physically.

I think I've decided to go with a coach from The Sport Factory, which is mostly online coaching. That seems flexible enough for me, too. The tri clubs have their set schedules, which don't always work for me. It won't be cheap, but I could really benefit. If I don't improve within a few months, then I could stop the individual coaching. However, I think I really could see some positive results, and cut out some unnecessary stuff I'm doing now (supplement chasing, over training, now knowing what comes next, etc).

So...Today I will decide the next step. Am I serious about this racing thing? I want to be. Is that crazy? Am I really capable of being an Iron Man finisher? Am I capable of placing in bigger races? Is it a waste of money and time to get this serious about endurance races? It may be...however, I won't know until I try it.

Many months later...

I guess I haven't really kept this blog updated as I'd planned. Really, the past 5 months or so have been more of the same. However, I upped the ante beyond what I expected. I worked harder than I thought I would. Let's see... last race I posted about on here was apparently my 2nd half-marathon. Since then, here's the breakdown of what I've accomplished:

*April 28, 2012 - Beltine Northside 5K (Race time - 26:29.2 PR!; pace 8:31) To date, this is still my 5k PR, but my goal is to get an even better time for a Peachtree qualifier for next year. This race was after the cutoff for qualifiers, so at the least, I can use it for a better qualifying time.

*May 20, 2012 - Iron Girl Atlanta Tri; 540m swim, 19mi bike, 3mi run (Race time - 2:06:20; 20:17 swim; 1:11:15 bike; 25:53 run) My first triathlon, and I was immediately hooked! It was one of the best experiences of my life! Friends and I had spent a couple of weekends prior camping near Lake Lanier (the site of the race) for a training weekend. We biked from our camp site to the lake, swam for my first open water swim, biked back, and then did a short run. I am certain that the training weekend definitely gave me the confidence I needed to push myself for the race. In hindsight, I probably could have shaved a good bit off the swim time with more training and the bike time should be better next year now that I have acquired a real road/tri bike! I'm hooked.

Iron Girl run

*June 16, 2012 - Candler Park 5k Just another 5k. I don't remember the time, but it was not great. I think I finished in the 27-minute range. This was when I noticed how biking was beginning to have an effect on my running. My legs felt different. So, biking did slow my run down a bit, but that's fine during tri season... particularly because a speedy bike time is more advantageous than a speedy run time.

Kyle even volunteered for the race (but didn't run)

*July 4, 2012 - Peachtree Road Race 10k (Race time - 57:38) They say that nobody gets a PR at the Peachtree, but since it was my 2nd 10k ever, I got my PR up until that point. I loved this race...loved seeing the city, running by Piedmont Hospital (reminding myself of the time I was wheeled out of there years ago). The spectators were the absolute best! This race prompted me to sign up for the Atlanta Track Club, which means guaranteed entry into next year's race. It was a warm day, a great day. It was also my first race running w/ only a sports bra (no shirt) bc it was hot.

Peachtree Road Race

*July 8, 2012 - Chattanooga Waterfront Tri; 1.5km swim, 26mi bike, 10k run (Race time - 3:16:02 overall; 29:xx swim; 1:30:xx bike; 1:07:xx run) Because I did get a bit addicted to triathlons after the Iron Girl, I decided to sign up for an Olympic distance race. I knew I could handle the bike and run, but I was a bit intimidated by the swim. By this point, I'd acquired my road/tri bike, so my bike speed was much improved already. I was confident with the run having been keeping a steady 10k weekend run up by this point. I spent a few days a week in the pool, even got the hand paddles for training. I rocked the swim better than expected because the river current did kind of help keep me going. I found that switching back and forth to the breast stroke, instead of freestyle the whole time, was actually better because the deeper current pulled me to the side while in freestyle, but I was more on top of the water with breast stroke, so the upper current kept me moving forward. I loved this race. Beat my expected time (and the 2 ppl I knew who were also doing it). I plan to return to this race next year.

Chattanooga Olympic distance Triathlon

*July 14, 2012 - Beltline Southwest 5K (Race time - 27:33) At this point is when I began to notice that I wasn't taking shorter runs seriously enough. I drank the night before the race, didn't sleep enough, and didn't wake up until my beltline teammates showed up at the door! Luckily the race was just down the road. I struggled a bit bc of my dehydration, lack of preparedness, and sore side from the fresh tattoo.

Beltline Run Club crew at the SW 5k!

*August 18, 2012 - TriToBeat Cancer Sprint; 400m swim, 14mi bike, 5k run (Race time - 1:25:32; 9:45 swim; 44:42 bike; 26:44 run; 6th in age group) This was my first true sprint triathlon (Iron Girl was a long sprint), so I went into it with a very competitive mindset. I could have probably done a bit better on the bike because at this point, I still was not being aggressive enough with passing slower cyclists. I hadn't yet discovered that I am a pretty fast sprinter on the bike, so I can definitely be okay with passing as many slower bikes as I can. Either way, I finished extremely strong, my last half mile to mile was at about at 7:40 pace. It felt good. Mom was at the race cheering me on, and a couple of girls from the beltline crew raced too. I am still impressed with my swim time because I definitely didn't swim my hardest...lesson learned: no mercy in the water. People will swim over me, so I can swim over others too. Start toward the front of the pack and let them pass me, not the other way around. I spend too much time treading water by starting toward the back and passing others.

Sprint Tri in Athens

*Sept 1, 2012 - Castleberry Hill 10k (Race time - 55:13; 08:53 pace; 12/70 in age group) Great route around a part of town I am actually already familiar with (and run through often). The race was put on/organized by Tes and her RunningNerds. I really enjoyed it. I got a PR, which I had hoped for and kind of expected because I knew the course and it's only my third 10k. I biked to/from the race to get some duathlon training in. I felt so good afterwards that I ended up biking all the way to Grant Park, going on a 3 mile run, then biking across the city to run errands before heading home. It was a good day.

Stretching before my 10k PR race around the ATL

*Sept 14, 2012 - Cherry Point Sprint Duathlon; 5k run, 10 mi bike, 5k run (Race time - 1:29:17; 3rd overall female!) Scheduled this race as an opportunity for a road trip to go see Jess and the boys. It was a great weekend and a particularly impressive race performance! I raced mostly against marines. It wasn't a huge event, but size aside, I won third overall female! I had hoped to place in my age group, but I did not expect an overall place! It was awesome... I rocked the bike, apparently, because my run time has really slowed with all the biking I did over the summer. I am proud of myself for this...I needed the boost to end the multisport season. Next year, I plan to continue the triathlon trend and hope to do a 70.3 Half Iron Man.

Showing off my 3rd place trophy and hanging w/ my supporter!

*October 7, 2012 - Atlanta 13.1 Half Marathon (Race time - 02:32:53) My most recent race, and it's unfortunately my worst half marathon time. I am okay with it now though. The course was really hilly, and I didn't run many hills because my calves were shot from pushing it so hard for the duathlon (it was worth it). I'd gotten a few massages and had been running off-road mostly to allow them to heal. Race morning was also one of the first chilly mornings this year, so most folks weren't yet used to running in the cold! My pace has also continued to slow a bit because I am now training for my first full marathon.

That's right, I said that I'm training for a full marathon, and not just next spring's Publix Georgia Marathon. I decided to do another traveling race. I am going to Tucson in December to run my first marathon. The course is mostly flat and downhill, and I think the weather will be nice for the race as well. I have a lot of training to do, but that's where I am right now. I have a 5k or two, the Thanksgiving Atlanta Half Marathon, and a 10k between now and the marathon. So, there's plenty of time to train and the Atlanta Half should be at a good time during training. I'm having a few confidence issues after my rough finish w/ the last half marathon, but I know that right now I just need to train to finish. Next year I can up the ante.

13.1 + 13.1 = 26.2

Well, I have gone about a month without a race. I've been jonesing for some competition, I won't lie. In the past month, I have added that 13.1 sticker to my car with pride. I have let my knee rest a bit and really worked out my IT band and hamstring issues. My second half-marathon is in a few days, so I quickly jumped back into training w/ some longer runs. I feel a little bit less prepared for this one than I was for the Publix half. However, I am more confident than I was because I know I can do it. I want to beat my previous time, that's my main goal.

Not only am I running my 2nd half marathon this weekend, but I've signed up for number three in the fall (the Atlanta 13.1). As if that's not crazy enough, I also may have jumped the gun by signing up for next year's full marathon, but I think that by this time next year, I can turn taht 13.1 into a 26.2. We will see how that goes. For now, I have other things to focus on.

I still have a hard time believing how much I love running. I have been running once a month w/ the Beltline Running Club and have met some great people through that club. I also run once a week with the a group that runs from the Phiddippides store. These shorter group runs have been great b/c my speed has increased for the 3-4 mile range. I'm looking forward to my first Beltline 5k race in a couple of weeks. I haven't done a 5k since the fall, so I am amped to see how my time has improved since then.

As much as I love running, the time has come for me to start cutting back on running (after this weekend's 13.1) and increase time in the pool. My triathlon is 1 month away. I am scared to death. I know I can do the 5k run. I am fairly confident that I can handle the 19 mile bike ride, once I get off the stationery bike and get back on the road. Biking is a fun social thing too, so I know I'll get some training in on the bike. The swim is scaring the crap out of me. I am not at all comfortable in the pool. I struggle through my 450m practice swims in a lap pool, and I have to be able to do a 1/3 mile open water swim (about 550m). I know I'm just getting started, but I have one month to comfortably be able to swim that distance. I want to train for 1/2 mile distance just to be confident that 1/3 is do-able. The bad part is that I love running, I am beginning to love the bike, but the swim is where I need to spend most of my time training.

I'm just praying that my swimming experience will be much like my running. A year ago I didn't like running, and until 6 months ago, I didn't consider myself a runner. I have been in pools since I was 3 months old, so I know that I can pick up the swim if I just try. I will be an Iron Girl. I will not rest until I can swim 1/2 mile with confidence.

Ok, now for a moment of pride...where I should be humble, but I just have to have a moment of shallow pride here. I have been extremely self-conscious about my stomach ever since having surgery 2 1/2 years ago. It left me w/ a 6-inch long scar and a little bit of loose belly skin. I have been kind of obsessed over it for a while. I have worked hard because I am determined. I'm not sure why, but I want to be confident I guess. I want to no longer think about my scar and my weakness. I want to look in the mirror and see strength.

Well... I am finally getting there. The hard work is paying off, so I'm going to pridefully post the photo.